Not Quite You (A Collage Of Lovers)


Not Quite You (A Collage Of Lovers):

Why is it that dates and music are so closely linked to memories of people? That colors and animals will always remind me of you. Just a number of a day in a month in a year. If I keep dating I won’t be able to look at a calendar. The same pang comes from music. Not being able to listen to certain songs, or bands. The memories that surface when I do. I remember dancing to… in your house, with my skirt swishing and your arms around me, when we were happy. Way back then…

I never knew colors and animals could be so intimately  connected to people. Green. I see it and think of you. And turtles. Why on earth can’t I see one and not think of you? Ships, birds, and compasses remind me of another.  Candles and soft music make me think of you too.

Rooms hold emotions and memories, some that take a lot of effort to get rid of. I will always remember the bedroom with a slanted ceiling covered in glitter, with flickering candlelight. The open kitchen perfect for sipping tea in. The room with peach sheets, gauzy curtains, and high ceilings. The dorm rooms made charming with Christmas lights and candles, where new experiences unfold. Laughter, making love, warm embraces. Fights, tears, angry words in raised voices. Sometimes the only way to get away is to move. Still, I can’t help walking through rooms in my mind and reminiscing.

I remember you bathed in sunlight streaming through the windows, and nights with candlelight moving softly against your skin.  Our breathing mixed and bodies warm from each other. If you were here I’d hold you close.

What is it about winter that makes a body itch for another? It’s not you, or you, but maybe you will do. I miss you like crazy, or was it your warm body? I can’t help but miss you.

The eyes always get me. Smoldering blue. My heart pounds just thinking of them. Icy green ones float in my memory, unattached to a face. Brown, that light up and turn honey-colored in the sun. I can see flecks of color you’ve got hidden there. And warm, hazel eyes like mine. I could stare into them for hours and do nothing but smile. My face is starting to get sore. I’m a sucker for eyes. And noses, and lips. A goofy, beak-like nose I can’t help but nibble.  Rounded noses I can’t help but touch. Cheekbones to hold and lips to kiss. A sexy back to run my nails down, and a muscled body to explore with my fingertips. Chest hair to rub my cheek against. Add strong arms to enfold me and hands to hold me and we’re set.

I wish you were here, but my version of you. The way you were in the beginning when you were mine. Maybe I haven’t found you yet and I’ll keep looking, or I’ll pause since love comes when you least expect it.


One thought on “Not Quite You (A Collage Of Lovers)

  1. This. Is. Amazing!
    One of my favorites ever. Love how you roll together so many moments, different lovers… Different times. You’re on a beautiful journey. A true journey of the heart. May you always find what you need. ❤️


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