Soundtracks of my life. Writing 101, day 3

Music is so interlaced in my life. One of the main things I make sure I have when I leave the house is my ipod. I will turn around and go home or get mild anxiety if I don’t have it in my bag. As I started writing this I turned on a quieter Pandora station in order to hear my thoughts. I notice the shift in music genre depending on what I’m doing, and the mood that I’m in. I occasionally like cooking to R&B, and either listen to soft music when I need to concentrate, or louder, more pop music when I need to get excited.

For some reason The Ocean by Tegan and Sara has become my “okay, I really need to sit down and write this paper” song. The first cords are so exciting that it tells me I can do it. I’m one of those weirdos that like writing papers and am pretty good at it when I stop procrastinating. This song is a reminder of that.

What I am to you by Norah Jones has been the theme song to relationships I’ve been in on their way out. When I’m feeling like a person isn’t showing that they care about me, or that they care less those words often play in my mind. It’s about self worth, as well as wondering why a person stops showing their affection. I made an ex of mine listen to that song in the last leg of our relationship, hoping that they would get the notion. It sucks, being in love with someone and feeling like they are pushing you away. Especially when you don’t know what’s wrong, if they think you did something, and are left to wonder why there was no choice but to break up. Norah Jones reminds me so much of my last relationship that I couldn’t listen to her for a while, and it still hurts over eight months later to listen to certain songs. I remember seeing her perform in Brooklyn in the pouring rain, and dancing with my mom. It was so surreal, that I can’t believe it wasn’t a dream.

I hate when a relationship ends and I no longer listen to my favorite songs or bands. When it pains me to listen to familiar voices and lyrics that I have known long before they came along. An ex of mine bad talked artists I loved so harshly that I stopped listening to them until long after the person was out of my life. He had such an aggressive, snobby energy occasionally that I was scared to do things he didn’t like. I let him change me, out of fear, or because he had such a strong influence on me. It wasn’t just with music either. He complained about clothing brands I love, singers, anything. He was so opinionated that I didn’t want to do things he didn’t like. Which is a reminder for relationships to come not to let some person change who I am.

I find the line “I’m not afraid of you, anymore” by Sufjan Stevens in the song Pittsfield to be really empowering. He has such a sweet, angelic voice and strong messages that I could weep when songs by him start. When I hear those lines I think “you’re right, there is no need for me to be afraid. This person does not have power over me.” The opening lines “Tell me what you saw in me/ And I’ll try to replicate it with a scene” have a similar, bittersweet, shattering affect on me. I often confuse that song with Pittsfield, but it is from the song Enchanting Ghost, also by Sufjan. This song live is even more heartfelt. His voice offering to act the way that he caught the eye of a partner is so big to me. I imagine when love is dying him offering to try and act the way he was when love was new. Relationships change, and it is hard to let go when you don’t want to lose someone.


Today’s assignment- Write about the three most important songs in your life — what do they mean to you?


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